Friday, June 7, 2013

Changes...



It's wild to go back and read my posts. It's been an interesting few years full of growth and change. Had you asked me back then if I thought my life would be like it is now? No way. I have learned so much about myself. I have gone deep into the gears of my mind and given myself a tune up. Some minor tweaks here and there, and some major overhauls in spots. I'm in a place now that I don't feel lost. I feel very present. Aware. Conscious. Stable. SECURE.

I didn't realize how out of control things were because I was so busy trying to control things I couldn't. What's that saying? You can not control the things that happen, you can only control your reaction to them. I think that's it... 

Growing up, change was the only constant. We never really stayed anywhere very long until high school. Every few years we would pack up and move somewhere totally different. Not just to another town, but to another state. No chance of running into anyone you knew at the grocery store. 

Each move I had the chance to recreate myself. I could be the quiet girl in class. Or the funny one. Or the smart one. I could be the ring leader, or hang back from the crowd. Whatever the choice was, I knew in a little while we would go somewhere else and I could try something different. I knew I had to hurry up and make friends. I knew that soon I'd say bye and move on. Along with the negative there were many positive aspects of growing up like that.  

As an adult the choice is mine. I have come to several points in my life that I can just FEEL the need for change. The realization that the path that I am on, or those around me, is not heading in the right direction. Some of these have been easier than others. But all of them have taught me great lessons. 

I'm so thankful to be in a good place in my life.

I have a charming, clever, thoughtful, funny, brilliant son who just keeps amazing me. He is almost 9 years old now. Such a wonderful human being. 

I have a job that is varied and challenges me in a good way. I work with the most awesomely random assortment of people ever. The benefits do not consist of bonuses, but they're all around you when you're out here. 

We live in a beautiful home on property where I work. Sometimes I sit on my porch, watch the cowbirds follow the longhorns that neighbor us. The wildflowers growing tall near the fence, butterflies and hummingbirds at the thistles. Lu the cat (who came with the house... he's a whole other story. Love that little weirdo.) curled up in my lap. I seriously feel like some storybook character. 

How in the world did I end up here? I'm not really sure, but I like it. I guess I just worked as hard as I could.  I hoped that someday, somebody would see my true potential and I would end up in a good position. The way it feels to be actually be living in that light, it's inexplicable. 

Don't get me wrong, there are still changes that I would like to see happen. I've by no means settled. Hopes and dreams are still in full swing. But I am absolutely enjoying the journey. 

I hope that you are enjoying yours. 

1 comment:

Angella Lavergne said...

This has been much of the topic of our book buying thrift day, feels universe sent. One of my favorite sayings (can't remember if I made it up or heard it somewhere)is: We are made up of millions of tiny little atoms that are in constant states of change, why would we for a second believe that we are not also in said constant state. I have been reading for hours. Thought I'd finish with your blog. Bunnies for LIfe