So I'm sitting on the sofa today when kiddo comes up and kneels next to me and whispers in my ear "I don't want to grow up."
At first I thought maybe it was something his buddy had said to him to make him feel that way because it is not something he had ever mentioned before. I asked him why, and with red almost teary eyes he whispers "I just don't want to grow up."
Hubby was watching t.v. and playing guitar and I could see that this was something that was weighing on kiddo. I said I thought we should go talk about it and headed to his room. I saw his little face right before he walked in and he looked pretty unsure whether or not he wanted to have this discussion. My heart was sad for him and I wasn't even really sure why.
I sat down on his bed and patted next to me and he sat down, I pulled the comfy blanket over our laps and said "Okay, let's talk about this. Why did you say that you didn't want to grow up?"
His little red eyes looked away and he said "I just don't want to not be a boy."
At this point I really had no idea where this came from or what was making him feel this way. I do know that I felt really bad for him and wanted to figure at least some of this out. So I asked "What makes you not want to grow up?" I snuggled him close, my little thinker.
"Well I would be too big for my chair..." he exclaimed, irritated while pointing to his chair now very close to tears.
"Okay, well they make those chairs for bigger boys too. What else?"
"Well I would be too big for my bed..."still irritated.
"If I can lay down in your bed and be comfortable then when you grow bigger, it will still be big enough for you. If it isn't we can get you a bigger bed." I was still wondering where all of this came from. I wasn't trying to disregard his feelings because obviously they were very real.
"Well you push me out of bed when you laid with me." He was still fighting his case.
"Honey growing doesn't happen very fast. You grow a little bit, little bit, little bit and you don't even realize that you are growing. Besides, once you grow really big, do you know what you will be able to do?"
He looked up at me with big eyes, knowing that I was at least going to make him feel better for this minute.
"You can say 'Mom, I'm taking the Jeep. I'm going to pick up Grammy and take her out to lunch.' and I'll say 'Okay, have fun, tell her hello for me.'"
He was looking away but I could see a smile and his little imagination going. The thought of driving, Grammy and the Jeep seemed to make growing up not so bad.
"Or I could say, 'Hey, could you run to the store for me and pick me up a bag of chocolate chips? I want to make some cookies.' and you could take the car and go to the store and bring me back what I needed all by yourself."
At this point he hoisted himself from being snuggled at my side and got onto his knees, still red eyed. He began to tell me what else he could do when his Dad peeked his head in the door. He asked if everything was alright. I asked kiddo if I could tell him what we were talking about and he said yeah. I told him that he didn't want to grow up and about the chair and the bed. Then I started to tell him about going to drive himself to pick up Grammy for lunch and kiddo put his hand over my mouth. Thinking that he was going to finish, I waited for him.
He thought for a minute and you could almost hear the wheels turning in his head.
"When I grow up I am still going to like Star Wars." he announced with passion and true statement. Like growing up was not going to change the things that brought him so much fun and joy.
Hubby says "Well yeah... I still like Star Wars!"
I still wonder what exactly made him feel that way. What the thought process was and how it all was played out in his mind. It was a little heartbreaking and a little mind opening for me too though.
Man, I love my little thinker.